I don't think there will ever be a sequel to The Goonies. Perhaps that is how it should be. The film is a perfect little slice of my 1980s childhood that is preserved in all its awesomeness and unsullied by lame arse continuation. Unfortunately, Aliens [with or without the Predators], Star Wars, and Indiana Jones have not fared as well.
However, let us delve into a game of what-if and wonder what the characters of The Goonies would be up to now....
Mikey took over as the curator of the museum where his Dad worked. Children forced to visit with their school groan whenever Old Man Walsh sits them down to talk about his one-eyed Willy [boom! boom!].
Mouth married Rosalita, the saucy Spanish help hired by Mikey and Brandon's mother. They remain happily married with 12 kids.
Data decided to get real about his James Bond obsession and joined the CIA. Unfortunately, his grapple teeth chomped on the CIA Director's cock and Data was sent to a backwater station to serve penance.
Andy decided to take her piano lessons seriously, joining the Oregon Philharmonic as their classical pianist before quitting to persue her dream of becoming a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.
Brandon felt guilty about taking that little girl's bike and used his cut of the treasure to buy her an ATV. Unfortunately, the little girl was too young to operate an ATV and drove it off a cliff. Brandon was charged with providing a motor vehicle to a minor causing horrific death and is still in prison today. Occasionally is allowed a conjugal from Andy, which is terribly sporting of her.
Chunk became romantically involved with Sloth. The two lived together for a time, but their relationship was tempestuous. Particularly galling to Chunk was Sloth's penchant for eating in bed: "Sloth, you were eating Baby Ruth's in bed again!" he would shout. "Ruth! Ruth!" replied Sloth. Chunk and Sloth are currently on a break.
Steph disappeared. Some suspect she became a pirate, raiding up and down the Oregon coast in a row boat amassing a large fortune and then hiding it underground. It's possible this is all conjecture, but she was rather pissed when Mouth married Rosalita. Steph was seen leaving the wedding reception all huffy and shouting, "I'll get those Goonies!"
So there you have it. A what-if of delicious possibilities.
