OMG, New Zealand Might Win a Cricket Match!

It's been a tour from hell thus far, but if NZ manages to chase down South Africa's 209 it would go someway to turning the tour around. Well, not entirely; however, by winning this match NZ would draw level at 1-1 in the ODI series with one match to play. It's almost too exciting to contemplate.

No One Does a Training Montage Better Than Rocky

Rocky IV, otherwise known as The Row in Moscow, had one of the best training montages ever. In a nutshell, Rocky travels to communist Russia to fight communist Dolph Lundgren in a payback bout after Dolph killed Apollo Creed.

Instead of training in a gym, Rocky decides to take the outdoorsy pursuits rout by hanging in Siberia hauling logs, dog sleds, and other shit in an effort to harden his battered body. In a piece of wonderful juxtaposition [can I used that word? It's awfully pretentious of me I know] Dolph, training in a high-tech communist lab of the future, fells a hapless sparring partner as Rocky, in the Siberian wilderness, fells a tree using nothing but his bare hands. And an axe.



Oh, apparently Dolph Lundgren split his sack doing those horizontal bike leg thingies and required 14 stitches.¹

¹I totally made that up. Or did I?

Cat Talking, Translation

Diane sent me this hilarious video of two cats and the translation of their conversation....

Was Helen Txting During Liz's Speech?

UK newspaper the Daily Express ["The World's Greatest Newspaper"]¹ has accused Helen Clark of being naughty during the Queen's speech at the Commonwealth summit in Uganda.

According to their Royal correspondent, Dick Palmer, the Kiwi PM was "spotted texting on her mobile phone". How do they know she was texting? She could have been checking the time to see how long she had been sitting there listening to some anachronism burbling away. Or, if she had received a text, perhaps it was from the Duke of Edinburgh instructing her to meet him around the back of the conference centre for a bit of how's your father....

Anywho, The World's Greatest Newspaper is a little upset about this, and they see it as another sign of "diminishing respect for the Crown" in the former colonies and a nod toward inevitable republicanism [followed by the sky falling on their heads].

But here's a cat amongst the pigeons: Helen has recently said that she wasn't texting. Hm, if that is true then maybe, and this is a long shot, newspapers sometimes get things wrong? Nah, there's a stronger likelihood of New Zealand becoming a republic than a newspaper getting something wrong.

¹I think the Taranaki Daily News would have something to say about that!

Bronze The Fonz!

A group in Milwaukee are trying to raise funds to have a bronze statute of the Fonz erected in the city. They're very close to raising the $85,000 needed, and according to the website they have the blessing of Henry Winkler.

I'm not certain what pose the statue will be in; maybe it's the Fonz on water skis jumping a bronze shark [if it was a bronze statue of the Fonz jumping the shark that would be too cool for words], or perhaps it's the Fonz on his bike? Only the Fonz truly knows.

However, I'm certain it will be cool and it will make for a great photo op for whenever I'm in Milwaukee.¹

//Link// <<-- Bronze the Fonz!

¹ I have no plans to visit Milwaukee.

How The Killers Got Their Name

The story goes that singer Brandon Flowers got the name watching a New Order video. If you watch the video for Crystal [a very cool New Order song] it shows a fictional band performing the song with their name on the bass drum.

That'll be one for your next pub quiz. Maybe not.

Well Met, Mystery Shopper

A week or two ago I wrote about mystery shoppers and how the store was facing its final shop of 2007. Well, on Saturday night we were shopped [on my shift, no less] and I can happily say that we scored maximum points on all of the categories. Whoo, I get to keep my job!

Now the apprehension is over we can finally concentrate on the business of selling books and the various other items one can find in the local Barnes & Noble. Well, we do have some of the bigwigs flying down from corporate in New York to cast their critical eye over our bargain section. However, seeing as I'm not responsible for that particular department I'm not as anxious as the dude who is.

Are You From Australia?

I get asked that question a lot. It's quite funny most of the time, and I usually reply that I'm from the place three hours east of where you're thinking. Then the person laughs and apologises, suggesting that the accents are quite similar, hence the faux pas.

And perhaps they are similar, which is why the fruit vendor mistook Bret and Jemaine for Aussies in a classic Flight of the Conchords episode....

So Bloated. Too ... Much ... Turkey.

Well another Thanksgiving has passed us by and one more brave turkey has laid down its life for the cause. But this bird didn't die in vain, oh no. This turkey went to the oven knowing that every piece of its gobbley goodness would be appreciated, from the succulent breast to the moist stuffing rammed up its cavity.

Hm, maybe not. But it was tasty, and I did eat way too much of it and felt like hurling afterwards. But I managed to save some space for the pumpkin pie and ice cream. And the two brownies I had with my coffee.

Back to normal diet tomorrow....

The Amazon Kindle

Hm, if the Amazon Kindle wasn't so incredibly expensive at 399 dolleros I might be tempted to invest some of my hard earned bling.

As a reading device they seem to have solved the age old problem of staring at a screen by using an electronic-paper display. No more eye sore!

It would certainly be great for traveling [books are heavy bastards], and having news content delivered wirelessly would make me the envy of all my friends and family. Plus it looks like those funky pads they used on Star Trek, which gives it instant geek cred.

According to the specs it only weighs about 10 ounces, which is less than a paperback. And it can hold up to 200 titles, with 88,000 titles available to download.

I'll probably wait until the next generation to splash out, but I'll be keeping an eye on the Kindle as it's pretty cool.

Twas The Day Before Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays in the US. All you do is eat a shit load of food and sit on the couch afterwards feeling bloated. It's kinda like a gastronomic dress rehearsal for Christmas Day in many respects. And, much like we have Boxing Day sales after Christmas in New Zealand, Americans have what they call Black Friday.

Black Friday is this mad fucking insane shopping day right after Thanksgiving. It usually involves people getting in line outside of the big barn electronic stores at some God-forsaken hour of the morning just so they can be one of the first people to purchase a cheap HDTV, or Blu-Ray DVD Player, or an iPod or whatever.

Unfortunately for me I won't be lining up for any cheap goodies, as I'll be opening the store. Fortunately for me, Barnes & Noble is spared the early-morning carnage as no one gives a shit about books on Black Friday. That doesn't mean no-one will be in the store, they'll just be in sometime in the afternoon to buy frappuccinos and read the magazines. By then I'll be long gone, muhahahaha. Er, quite.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In Rainbows 1 January 2008

Pop Stars & Their Crazy Riders

It's amazing what musicians demand in their riders. Of course, there's the classic Van Halen request that they be provided with a bowl of M&Ms with all of the brown ones removed. This contrasts with Ozzy Osbourne also requesting a brandy glass filled with brown M&Ms, otherwise he wouldn't go on stage in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon.

Metallica require lots of bacon as it's "very important that bacon be available at every meal and during day". However, they don't specify what type of bacon, which I'm sure has lead to some hilarious incidents on tour: "We didn't kill Napster just so we can fuckin' eat Canadian bacon!"

Cheryl Crow requested several buses, trucks and tractor trailers for her Stop Global Warming Tour ... which is ironic because a fleet of said vehicles would create one hell of a carbon footprint.

Ashlee Simpson requires a "ubiquitous deli platter with appropriate condiments", which leads me to assume she requested a dictionary in her previous rider. Oh, and Ashlee also requests some throat coat tea. This is odd, because I didn't think Ashlee Simpson actually sang live, as you can see below.



You can read more riders over at The Smoking Gun. They're quite interesting.

What DO I Want For Christmas?

I have no idea. Whenever my wife asks me this question I just kinda stare back at her with a perplexed looked on my face and I shrug my shoulders.

It's true, I'm hard to buy for. If I didn't work for Barnes & Noble I'd ask for a gift card, but I really don't need a gift card for the place I work at five days a week as that would be silly.

At this time of the year you need to buy your significant other something meaningful, like socks and undies. Well, maybe not socks and undies, but something amazingly cool like night vision goggles, or a mini sub. A mini sub would be awesome, and it would certainly save on the plane fare to New Zealand.

Hm, I guess I need to put some more thought into what I want. At least there's still a month to go until Christmas....

A Bad Year For New Zealand Sport?

"Sports is about people who lose and lose and lose. They lose games; then they lose their jobs. It can be very intriguing." -- Gay Talese.

Sports can be very intriguing, but it can also be infuriating. I suspect that the year 2007 will go down in New Zealand sporting history as the worst. Maybe.

As I write this, the last chance for some global bling in 2007 rests in the hands of the Silver Ferns at the Netball World Champs when they play Australia in the final.

A quick run down of results:

America's Cup Sailing: Lost the final 2-5.
Cricket World Cup: Eliminated in the semi finals.
Cricket Twenty20 World Champs: Eliminated in the semi finals.
Rugby World Cup: Eliminated in the quarter finals.
Rugby League: Lost series 0-3 to British Lions.
NRL Season 2007: Warriors eliminated in the quarter finals.
Cricket Tour of South Africa: Getting pasted right now.

However, if one takes a moment to consider the three gold and two silver medals at the World Rowing Champs in Munich; the one gold and two silver medals at the Pre-Olympic Yachting regatta in China; and Valerie Vili's gold medal at the World Athletic Champsionship, then it's not all doom and gloom in 2007.

And really, when you look at the above list of sports [minus the America's Cup which is a bit of a yuppie thing] that we've been shit at, they're all sports derived from our British colonial history. Therefore, outside of the Commonwealth, no other country in the world gives a toss about the things we suck at. This in turn helps to contain our suckiness within a small section of the world's population. Ergo, we are not totally lame.

As Monty Python once observed, always look on the bright side of life.

Random Thought: Bee Movie

I'm thinking there was a little too much hype. Normally, I love animated films. Monsters, Inc, Shrek, Toy Story, The Incredibles, A Bug's Life --awesome. Bee Movie? I never want to see it out of spite, which is not particularly nice nor is it a sensible reason for avoiding a film but there you go. And speaking around the water cooler, many people at work were also put off by the annoying persistence of DreamWorks's pimptastic hype machine.


//Link// <<-- Rotten Tomatoes page listing for Bee Movie.

2 Girls One Cup -- The Viral Video That Keeps on Giving

2 Girls One Cup is probably one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Indeed, it put me right off my cup of Godiva dark chocolate cocoa.

I'm so not going to put the video on this blog as I'd probably lose my two dedicated readers. However, if you're somewhat familiar with Google, you will find it yourself. Or perhaps it will find you!¹

I watched Best Week Ever tonight and discovered that 2GOC has spawned a series of reaction videos. Yep, now you can see people watching 2GOC with a mixture of revulsion, amusement, and morbid curiosity. And, if you've seen the infamous video, it's very revolting. Seriously, the two chicks could catch all sorts of germs from that kind of carry on.

Here's just one reaction video from YouTube.




¹Pray that it doesn't ... eew.

WGA Strike: Is Ellen The First Scab?

Some picketers think so, with WGA East Coast Grand Poobah Michael Winship suggesting Ellen should "look to her conscience". Er, I'm not sure where in her conscience she's supposed to look, maybe in the sub-basement section? Or perhaps she has one of those fancy annexes I've always read about but could never afford.

Anywho, if you read why Ellen has gone back to writing her own monologues and recording new episodes of her show it sounds reasonable -- she's contractually obligated to deliver new material. Seems like she's caught between a rock and a whiny picketer [bada-boom!].

No one doubts the writers deserve a better deal from their Overlords. Indeed, everyone who works should be entitled to a better deal out of their career. Shit, anything less than three-ply toilet paper in the staff khazi is enough justification for me calling strike, so I'm all for industrial action, comrades.

However, the writers need to be careful and avoid adopting a precious attitude over their plight, otherwise the public support they enjoy could erode. This could eventuate if the strike drags on for an extended period of time.

And you know how people need their fix of Letterman and Conan; late night TV just isn't the same without new episodes of their wacky hilarity. Mind you, for some members of society, it might be a blessing in disguise as people once more pick up books [reading!] and engage in meaningful conversations with their families for the first time in decades [talking!].

Others might hesitantly pick up a newspaper and get their news from a source other than The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Yep, some dude in LA complained that he doesn't know what's going on in the world since TDS and TCR have been showing repeats. Er, you do realise those shows are satire, right? It helps to have an understanding of what they're mocking and the best place to get that is from non-satirical news sources ... like the news. Yes, the strike could be a good thing.

Me and the wife ain't too fussed about the strike. It could go on for years and we'd be set. We've got a shit load of books to read [employee appreciation sale at Barnes & Noble Nov 30 - Dec 9, whoo!], a Nintendo Wii, DVDs, animal footprint chart, thermos, and a triple thick condom. You never know!¹

The world continues to watch the WGA Strike....

¹Clue: Duane Dibbley.

Christmas & Hanukkah? No! Festivus? Yes!

A Jewish lady of advanced years reacted with incendiary violence today when she discovered we had no Hanukkah wrapping paper. Thankfully I wasn't the manager she whinged to because I've been a bit naughty with rude customers lately and I need to be on my best behaviour.

Anyway, the manager explained to her that we would definitely have Hanukkah paper in the store, just a little closer to Hanukkah. She wasn't remotely placated by this explanation, and wanted his name and the number of our corporate headquarters and all of that jazz.

As a foreigner I don't quite get this Hanukkah vs. Christmas thing they've got going on here. Quite frankly I think it's puerile the way people react at this time of the year, and it just misses the point of what this time of the year is supposed to represent.

That's why I'm a fan of Festivus -- it's just so inclusive that you don't need to be one thing or the other, just grab your aluminum pole and join in. You have a nice dinner, get to the Airing of Grievances, and finish with the Feats of Strength where you have to pin your opponent [good fun for couples...].



By celebrating Festivus you're always happy and you don't care if the in-store music selection isn't playing any Christmas/Hanukkah songs. Yep, with Festivus on your team you're so bippity-boppity with warmth for your fellow human that you don't give a shit if you see one of those scary! Christmas trees in a public space.

Indeed, who needs a scary! Christmas tree when you possess the only upright ornament you could ever want [a Festivus pole doesn't drop a bazillion needles all over the floor, and your cat won't try to climb it]. Festivus really is the bee's knees, homies.

//Link// <<-- Festivus, the website for the rest of us.

Parking Like an Arsehole

I usually encounter one bad parking job whenever I'm out and about. I'm not sure what it is about another person's inability to park correctly: either they don't give a shit or [and this is ominous] they really cannot park.

And it's not one of those parallel parking thingies I see butchered, either. Nope, it's just one of those regular perpendicular spaces of generous size in an ordinary car park that is often too much for some motorists. They swing in on a crazy angle and leave their car looking askew while they pop off to do whatever it is they do. And they often pop off to do nothing.

Well, you might be interested to know that a dude has a website called, youparklikeanasshole.com. This is a repository for photographs of shitty parking jobs where you can send in a snap of those hatchet jobs you encounter on your travels. It also has some other interesting things, although I notice it hasn't been updated since October. Perhaps a poor parker took exception to seeing a picture of their crap parking online and got medieval on his ass. Maybe.

A Six Word Short Story

For Sale: my Virginity, inquire within.

How Richard Got His Groove Back

Urgh, as I mentioned yesterday I had felt like shit. I'm still not 101%, but I seem to be climbing up to full operating capacity.

I'm not sure what the prob was, I seemed to have a dose of everything from congestion, stomach cramps, high fever, headache, chest cramps, and extreme exhaustion. Indeed, most of last week all I wanted to do was sleep and I chalked up a number of 12-hour sleepathons. Maybe I'm menopausal, ahem.

However, I've taken to drinking two piping hot cups of green tea per day and [would you believe] it has turned out to be the elixir that got me my groove back. Or there abouts.

Moral = green tea. It's good for you,

Home From Work, a Haiku

Felt like shit yesterday;
Struck down with the 'flu, cough-cough.
Feeling better now, thanks.

How Not to Eat a Chili Pepper

Here's an entertaining video of ESPN's Rob Stone eating the hottest chili pepper in the world, the mighty Bhut Jolokia. The unrepentant bad boy of Capsicum world, it scores a ball-busting 1,000,000 SHU!¹



I'm thinking he couldn't feel his lips for most of the day. I'm also thinking he should have dipped his mouth in wax like Homer did....

¹ Scoville Heat Unit, a system of measurement for establishing the "piquancy" of a chili pepper. A bell pepper has a score of 0 SHU, and a jalapeño scores about 2,500-8,000 SHU. You now have an idea how hot a chili pepper packing a million scovies is, d'oh!

Losing The First Test Match

So, the first test match between New Zealand and South Africa is about to end badly for NZ. This is hardly surprising as NZ has been going backwards in its test cricket for some time now. Throw in the fact they haven't played a test match since 2006, and it's not as if we've had much chance to develop any consistency of selection or enjoy match practice.

South Africa are going to win unless, of course, New Zealand either:

a) Maintains their wickets over the course of two days to bat out a draw, or;

b) Scores the further 474 runs required to win the match from the remaining two days, or;

c) Becomes the recipients of divine intervention in the form of torrential rain that washes out both of the remaining two days, thereby ensuring a draw and living to fight another day.

Against the inevitable, crushing South African win only one of the above scenarios can be seriously entertained. I'll let you pick which one you think it is.¹

//Link// <<-- Day 3 bulletin, from Cricino.com.

¹Psst, it's the one about the rain!

Stalking a Snake Stalking Me

I had an interesting morning stalking a snake. It wasn't poisonous, though -- just a common garden edition, and about a metre in length [I've talked about these ones before]. As snakes are still fascinating to me, especially coming from a snakeless country, I was determined to get another picture of one.



When your intrepid nature photographer crept into the garden and started to stalk the snake, I managed to get close enough for a picture. I thought I was being sneaky and crocodile-huntery but, as you can see from the above picture, the snake had other ideas and bent itself back in the opposite direction, d'oh!

It wasn't until I had snapped the exposure and saw the brief capture on my screen that I realised it was staring up at me, looking into my eyes [not around the eyes, but looking into the eyes, the eyes]. I jumped and crapped my pants; the snake jumped and crapped its pants, and we both went in opposite directions.

Snakes are smart and not easily stalked by idiots like myself.

Oh, You Crazy Mystery Shoppers

Feeling a little tired and burned out tonight. Yep, it's been a busy couple of days at the store as we've entered the final quarter for mystery shoppers. This time is often stressful as you receive a lot of pressure from up high to "succeed".

On Friday and Saturday I was both a front end manager and a manager on duty. This was a vexing, double-dipped exercise in juggling positions as they entail different responsibilities. You tend to bop from one thing to the other, especially like last night if you're a little light on employees and there are many customers in the store. However, that's life and you just have to roll with that shit, dog.

What's a mystery shopper, you ask? A mystery shopper is someone hired by a market research company to go into a retail store and pose as a shopper. While this person is posing, they will test the store and its employees to a set of predetermined standards. If the store "passes", that's good; if the store "fails", that's really bad.

I'm not a fan of the mystery shopping system. I think it's a system open to abuse, particularly as there is very little recourse to object if one believes they have been incorrectly represented. The mystery shoppers themselves can be of dubious moral character, and I have heard stories where one has gone into a store with the intent to screw it over. Naturally, some of these stories would be apocryphal, shared between old sea dogs who have been in the game for a long time. However, there would be some that are true and that sucks, because a lot rides on the results of these shops as they go toward management reviews.

For me, the mystery shopper system is moronic. Firstly, we should be tested every day by ordinary customers. That means having a printed, customer satisfaction survey invitation at the POS so one can respond immediately and rate their experience in the store.
And not only that, we should also be peer tested within our own region by other managers who know exactly what to look for. I think the combination of those two systems would be a much fairer way to test a store, and would lead to less stress for everyone involved.

Eh, that's just my two centavos.

Will Ferrell is The Architect

Seeing how The Matrix sequels weren't exactly fly, I decided to hunt down Will Ferrell's spoof of the Architect from the MTV Movie Awards in 2003 for some light chuckles. Ergo, Vis a Vis, YouTube had what I was seeking... concordantly.

Sometimes, The Best Bits Are in The Comments

Check out the comments after this article on the WGA strike-- they're brilliant. I loved this comment so much I had to quote it:

"Yet again, you have managed to remind me why I retitled your RSS feed "Biz of ShowBiz - Gary Bourgeault is a dittohead f***face" in my feedreader several months ago. Don't ever change, you human shaped piece of crap."

-- Dave Rupert.

LOL!

Time For Cricket

I would have to say that this is probably one of the best outfield catches ever taken in cricket. True, most seasons throw up a montage of classic catches followed by endless debate over what exactly constitutes the "greatest" catch and the coming season will be no different.

However, this particular catch by Mathew Sinclair playing for New Zealand against Australia in 2004 has to be one of the best, especially when you consider Sinclair was on the move and catching with his weaker hand [while being almost vertical]. It's certainly pretty cool, and I've posted it as a sort of kick-start to the international cricket season that got under way yesterday in the southern hemisphere.

Bowie's in Space

One of my favourite Flight of the Conchords songs is Bowie. It's just so spot on you could almost imagine David Bowie recording it himself. Well, not quite but the song is frickin' hilarious and familiar that even a basic knowledge of Bowie is enough to tickle the funny bone.

Remember to Wash Your Hands

I'm slightly old-fashioned, but after visiting the bathroom I always take the time to wash my hands. However, you'd be surprised by the amount of people who don't.

Indeed, the other day I was standing at the hand-drier [trying in vain to block out the sounds coming from one of the stalls] when something gross happened. Just as I was about to head outside the noisemaker ventured forth from his smelly stall, brushed past me at the door and boom! he's out of there without even a sideways glance at the sink. Eeeeew! Eeeeew!

But the problem appears to be world wide, and not confined solely to a Barnes & Noble bookstore lavatory. According to a brave survey conducted recently in New Zealand, 19% of males and 7.6% of females did not wash their hands after dropping a doodoo.¹

"Hi, kids! I'm Andy the Hand Soap -- I'm good for you!"

That's pretty rancid, and for that 1/5 of males out there who are soap phobic, wtf! Get your lazy arse over to that sink and wash your frickin' hands. Do you know how many germs are just waiting to leap from your soiled fingers and into your mouth? I don't know, but I bet it's at least a million. In your mouth!

I'm sure that, with extensive education, the anti-hand washers can be coerced into joining their fellow brothers and sisters at the sink. The next time you're in the bathroom and you see someone about to bolt for the door sans washing, call them out and say, "Hey, dude. Couldn't help but notice you forgot to wash your hands." They will get down on their hands and knees and thank you for pointing out their disgustingness.

//Link// <<- Article on study from NZ Herald.


¹ I say brave because the study required observers to observe the behaviour of the subjects. And you know what that means ... nasty.

Fun With Play-Doh! This week: Grendel.

Then from the moorland, by misty crags, with God’s wrath laden, Grendel came. The monster was minded of mankind now sundry to seize in the stately house. Under welkin he walked, till the wine-palace there, gold-hall of men, he gladly discerned, flashing with fretwork. Not first time, this, that he the home of Hrothgar sought....

I couldn't find too many physical descriptions of Grendel, so he's open somewhat to artistic interpretation. Therefore, I set about making myself a Grendel from a shit load of Play-Doh.



As you can see, my Grendel is a little bit reptilian in origin. This figure represents Grendel after he's lost his arm to Beowulf. In order for Grendel to compensate the loss of his arm, I have given him a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher that I loaned from a Transformer. This should make him a little more kick-ass in battle.



I placed Batman in this image because I think Batman could take Grendel. Well, I'm pretty sure. If Batman can take Superman in a fight, then Grendel shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Oh, and before you ask, I made sure I did all of my domestic chores before I started playing with my Play-Doh.

Strike! The WGA vs The Man: Who Will Be The First Scab?

On Monday the Writers Guild of America decided to strike over an impasse in contract negotiations between themselves and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers. From what I gather, part of their beef has been over DVD residuals [big moolah], and royalties from "new media", which I imagine would be all the cool things that aren't old media.

If the strike continues along its current course then shows will begin to suffer as they shut down. Steve Carell has refused to cross the picket lines, so filming for The Office has already stopped, according to CBS's Showbuzz website. Man, that sucks! I really enjoy The Office, it's one of the highlights of my viewing week. But if the WGA can get a better deal out of The Man, then all power to them and we can always enjoy watching the older episodes on syndicated networks.

Oh, this breaking news just to hand. Apparently filming on Grey's Anatomy has also stopped, meaning there will be no new episodes forthcoming for the duration of the strike. Oh, really? Well that's just too bad. Yeah, I feel for the Grey's fans but, you know, a strike is a strike. I'm sure it'll be back on in the near future. We just have to ride it out and wish for a speedy return of McSteamy, McDouchey, and McBallbag or whatever their names are. Yes, yes -- dry those eyes now.

Er, the last time the WGA went on strike was in 1988. That strike lasted for about 5 months, and one of the main reasons for striking was over residuals [a recurring theme] for hour long shows. Heaps of shows were affected, including the all time awesome ones like: MacGyver, 21 Jump Street, Married ... With Children, Head of The Class, The Wonder Years, Cheers, and MacGyver. Did I mention MacGyver? Yep, not even the mighty Phoenix Foundation could prevent the strike.

It shall be fascinating to see how the events of this latest strike play out.

//Link// <<-- Diary of TV Writer on Strike, from EW.com.

In Rainbows

So it's been about a month since Radiohead released In Rainbows as a download only album. What do you think, was it good or was it not so good? Did you even download it and, if so, how much did you pay?

I'm what you would call a casual Radiohead fan. I loved their first three albums and believe The Bends to be one of the greatest rock albums of all time. However, their subsequent recordings left me feeling a little cold and Richie decided to hop off the Radiohead bus at Kid A.

But but but, In Rainbows sounds so fantastic and fresh that for me, the casual fan, it's their best album since OK Computer. I'm going to get the CD release when it comes out early next year, mainly because I prefer to drive with an actual CD in the player instead of using our iPod adapter.

Radiohead have certainly started something big by releasing their album this way. It will be fascinating to watch other bands pick up the ball and run. And, one suspects, it will be interesting to see how record companies react once the dust settles. Is this a minor aberration, or is it a sign of things to come?

Either way, it's great for music lovers. Viva la Revolución!

The Penalty For Masturbation in Indonesia is Decapitation?

Aye Caramba! Remind me never to have a strop in Jakarta, then!

And how did I know this? I read it on the internets of course. But it was in a newspaper story about the world's most ridiculous laws, so it's bound to be legit and well-researched....

Here's a sample:

* In France, it is illegal to call a pig Napoleon [presumably a law left over from the days when France was ruled by a dwarf with an inferiority complex].

* In Alabama, it is illegal to drive while blindfolded [driving while intoxicated and receiving a bj from your cousin is fine].

* In Japan, there is no legal age of consent [in Japan, men come first and women come ... ah, you know the rest].

* In England, mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day [wtf? Aren't mince pies specifically baked with Christmas in mind?].

Laws are strange.

//Link// <<-- NZ Herald article.

We Got a Timebomb/Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah

Timebomb is probably the coolest Beck song for like, ages. Mind you, most of Beck's song are pretty fuckin' cool so I guess we need to establish some sort of coolness scale.

If you haven't downloaded it I suggest you do so because it might very well change your life. Maybe.

There's also a couple of cool videos floating about on YouTube, one that is very obviously fan made but the other one looks like it might have been made by Beck. Possibly, it's hard to tell but I've embedded it here just because it's groovy.

BBQ, Beer, and Burning. How Was Your Guy Fawkes?

So yesterday was my third fifth of November here in the US. Americans don't celebrate Guy Fawkes, obviously, but I think they'd be into it as everyone loves to make a bonfire and light fireworks!

From what I've read in the New Zealand papers, it looks like Guy Fawkes could be on the extinct species list soon. Every year the voices call out to ban it owing to the stupidity of a few inbreds and their inability to handle fireworks.

Mind you, there is also the argument that the quality of fireworks has dipped remarkably. Is it just me, or has the proliferation of cheap fireworks from China sold at bulk discount prices at The Warehouse contributed to the increase in accidents?

Either way, if fireworks safety becomes a huge issue look to one of the parties using a total fireworks ban as a tasty carrot at next year's election. And a Guy Fawkes without fireworks would suck arse.

I Am Rhett Butler's Pillow

Did you ever think to yourself, "Gee, if only they made another sequel to Gone With The Wind." You might have mused upon this late one night, perhaps while luxuriating in a post-coital haze listening to the satisfied sounds of your sleeping significant other lying next to you.

Well, your prayers have been answered my friends, for the combined publishing powers of St. Martin's Press, the Estate of Margaret Mitchell, and the Lawyers for the Estate of Margaret Mitchell have given you Rhett Butler's People. Well, to be fair, author Donald McCaig deserves the credit for the book but I'm sure the Lawyers for the Estate of Margaret Mitchell helped out a little.

I'm not sure why there was a need for a second sequel. The first authorised sequel was abysmally authored by Alexandra Ripley, so perhaps it might have been best to quit while one was not ahead. However, Ripley's Scarlett did rake in the moolah, and was followed up by a TV mini series so it's not as if the endeavor was a total failure in one sense.

Yet in another sense -- the oft-overlooked artistic sense -- it appears Scarlett left a bad taste in the mouths of the Estate of Margaret Mitchell. Therefore, McCaig's Rhett reportedly pays no attention whatsoever to the goings-on of Scarlett: it's almost as if it never existed, except perhaps in one of Mammy's dreams or something.¹

This raises somewhat of a canon-conundrum. Scarlett was authorised, as was Rhett. Therefore, both must be considered canon in the Mitchellverse. However, if one story in the Mitchellverse ignores the other, then surely the other is nothing more than an official fan fiction. Ah, while we're speaking of fan fiction, I wonder if anyone ever wrote a story called I Am Rhett Butler's Pillow? That could be very interesting, especially if told from the perspective of a possessive, female hating and generally psychotic pillow....

I Am Rhett Butler's Pillow.

I am Rhett Butler's Pillow. Rhetty is not on me tonight; Rhetty is out on a boat trying to run the Yankee blockade of our glorious Charleston harbor.

Mammy came into Rhetty's room earlier and plumped me, messing up my feathery goodness. I hate Mammy, and I wish she would keep her damn hands off my delicate exterior. I hope she hasn't lost Rhetty's head indentation!

I think Rhetty loves me. He hasn't told me so, but I heard him tell Ashley Wilkes one sweaty night that he looks forward to me, his devoted pillow, after a long day courting that devilish Jezebel, Miss Scarlett O'Hara.

I remember the painful period when I was without my Rhetty. He had been gone a long time, and the smell of his house became musty from disuse. The lingering scent of his hair oil drifted away from me like a lover caught in the torrent of a river that had burst its banks after a tumultuous downpour of rain, wo!

And then, like the first rays of sun catching the wet snout of bear emerging from a long winter's hibernation, Rhetty came back to me. I trembled as he buried his face into me, deep. I heard his contented sigh and felt the rough tickle of his mustache on my sensitive slip. I didn't mind the mustache, it meant I was back with my Rhetty and I was alive!

Hm, perhaps it's best if I stop right there.

//Link// <<-- USA Today article

//Link// <<-- NY Times article.

¹I say reportedly because I have no desire to read RBP. The closest I came to reading it was merchandising the bazillion copies St. Martin's sent us this morning.

The Barry Gibb Talk Show

I saw this recently on a repeat of SNL and thought it was absolutely hairy arse. I think it's from around 2003 when Justin Timberlake was the host/guest. As you can see I found a copy on YouTube, but I don't know how much longer it'll be up!

Mass Suicides and Hysteria Over Gore's Nobel Win

Maybe. But before I start, I put these questions to you. Firstly, does anyone give a shit about the Nobel Peace Prize? And, secondly, can you name any of the previous recipients? I'm picking no and no being the answer to both of those questions.

So with that understanding, I ask another. Is it worth getting your knickers in a twist over someone's recipient of a prize that no one gives a shit about? I would answer no again, but then again I don't work for FOX News [and they definitely have twisted knickers].

Understanding FOX's view of the world is as simple as shooting quail in a barrel. I mean, they're so pathologically fused to the right part of the political spectrum that anyone achieving anything of note [even something as meh-inducing as the NoPP] from the centre or left is automatically strung up and eviscerated. They have no objectivity and no journalistic integrity, so it's not really that much of a surprise to watch and listen to their tantrums over Al Gore's NoPP win.

Did Al Gore deserve to win? I'm not sure, Bono might argue that he deserved a shot; George Clooney was probably lobbying for a shared award for the Hollywood community [they did shout about AIDS when people were only whispering about it, and something else about Hattie McDaniel that I didn't catch].

One thing that is apparent is the amount of angry air being vented over Gore's win. Indeed, there's enough steam to spin an eco-friendly turbine and provide power to a village of third world needies for a year. Author Orson Scott Card labeled Al Gore the "scum of the earth" over his time in office as Clinton's veep, which is a little harsh as there's been some real scum in that office [George H.W. Bush, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, Richard "Dick" Cheney, et al] and being scummy is almost a prerequisite for the the job! Card also suggests that Gore "ran ahead of the pack" to appear to be leading the "global warming religion". That would have a truth, however it must be remembered that Gore is a career politician: to accuse him of playing politics is to lynch a leopard for having the audacity to wear spots. I mean, duh.

Ultimately, opinions are like toenails. Some are well-clipped and efficient, while some are dirty, chipped and hideous to the eye; some are all sharp and pointy, while others are painted. Some are even like those Guinness Book huge ones that grow all curly and the nerves grow down them and if you want to cut them you have to get them surgically removed and all? So gross, um, where was I? Oh, toenails/opinions. My take is this: if you like Al Gore, you're probably happy for him. If you dislike Al Gore, you probably choked on your cornflakes and muttered something about him sharing an award with a terrorist. And if you care neither one way nor the other, you probably went on with your life worrying about more important things.

Avril Wins MTV Europe Award; Confirms Meaningless of MTV Europe.

I'm not a fan of Avril -- I find her music to be, well, shit. You might be a fan of Avril, and good for you!



"Yeah, Canada! Fuck yeah, fuck you! I hate you, I hate everyone who's not from Canada! I'm punk: I smoke, I drink, I fuck, and I fart on my fans and say fuck a lot! Canada!"

//Link// <<-- Billboard article dated 01/11/2007.

Baby Got Back. Best Badonkadonks From Behind Iron Curtain?

Apparently so. A Bulgarian woman took out the girl's section, while a Romanian dude took out the boy's section in the finals of the global "Best Bum" competition held in Germany recently.

Organised and sponsored by underwear label Sloggi, the competition was a tireless search to find the best arses on the planet. Regional finalists went on to Munich to represent their countries in the best way they could: with their bums As you can see below, I found a picture of the winning lass, but for some odd reason pictures of the winning bloke's arse are scarce.

The winning bum bum.

They took home some serious prize money, around 10,000 Euros to precise. There's also a modelling contract with the company, and some butt insurance included in the package as well. This is already way cooler than Tyra Banks's model show thingy, and you can bet your bottom dollar neither of the two winners will end up marrying a Brady.

The Coolest Phone This Year Isn't The iPhone

Nope, it's the Juke. A switch-bladed piece of groovy gadgetry from Samsung that is available right now from Verizon Wireless for a price this isn't going to bankrupt you.

The Juke is more a personal music player than a cell phone, and it appears to have a very basic phone system. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially for those whom use cell phones for nothing more than txts and calls and have no use for services like WiFi internet connectivity, GPS for tracking down seafood restaurants, coffee bean grinding and other stuff like that. People like me!

Juke MP3 player.

Juke telephone.

It's not likely to appeal to all tastes, but it's unique enough to tickle the curiosity and corner itself a little piece of the market. I could imagine Fonzie using one of these phones, aaay!

//Link// <<-- infoSync article from 03/10/2007