Some Strange Lunar Phase Turning People Into Arseholes

Wow, what a day it's been interacting with my favourite kind of people. The best encounter I had today with South Florida's finest was one of those you couldn't make up. I'll explain:

An older gentleman who reminded me of Old Biff was at my register with his mail order bride. She was several centuries younger than Old Biff and was of the Asian persuasion. Yes, admittedly this is a terribly awful stereotype to make and I apologise to all of the mail order brides out there reading this.

Anywho, Old Biff was buying a book [no, it wasn't a copy of the Sports Almanac 1950-2000] and I rang him up as quickly as I could to help the cashier get through the line of customers. I placed the receipt in the bag, informed Old Biff that the receipt was in the bag and thanked him for his custom and wished him and the aforementioned mail order bride a good evening. Or so I thought. I'll let Old Biff take it from here [note that my replies in italics are what I was thinking in real time. What I really said is in the non-italicy bits]:


"Where's the receipt?"










"As I mentioned, it's in the bag, sir."







"See? See? This is exactly what happens every time with receipts. You get a bag, throw out the bag with the receipt in it and when it comes time to return the item you have no receipt because you threw it out and I can't get a return even though I photocopy my credit card bill and show it to the manager who can't accept that because it's not an official receipt."



"Then you shouldn't be such a dumb fuck for throwing out the bag without first removing the receipt. This is all taught in Basic Lifeskills 101 you moron."







"I see, sir."







"If the receipt is lost how can I get a return? I never check the bag when I throw it out."






"Again, Basic Lifeskills 101, Einstein. How you made it so far on so little is a mystery to me. I have now wasted two minutes of my life listening to your moaning and I'm pissed off because I can't get them back, dumbass."






"I see, sir."








"Well, that's all I had to say."







"Fuck off then."








"Drive safely, sir."







And there you have it. Of all the things going down right now, the one thing that really gets Old Biff's knickers in a twist is getting his receipt in the bag. That, and manure.