Well today is a very special day as it's our first wedding anniversary! And what a great year it's been, despite the annoying little setbacks with immigration that we've had. Here's to next year's cotton/paper/china anniversary.
It's amazing how fast the previous year has gone; it doesn't seem like 12 months has passed since we were down in Key West, enjoying the spring weather and mingling with tourists -- many of whom had come to watch the annual Red Ribbon Bed Race.
Key West is a very cool spot, especially Old Town with its old Florida architecture, its relaxed street bars, and the groovy climate. I definitely cannot wait to go back there.
Sunday, 30 April 2006
Saturday, 29 April 2006
The Star Spangled Banner En Español
The BBC has a story on the US national anthem, the Star Spangled Banner, being given a Spanish flavour.
The anthem was released on radio yesterday under the title, Nuestro Himno, which translates as Our Anthem.
Just in case you were wondering, the Wikipedia article on the Star Spangled Banner asserts that Nuestro Himno is not an exact translation of Francis Scott Key's poem from the War of 1812.
It also mentions that this isn't the first time the anthem has been adapted into a language other than English. Indeed, there's been a German version, a Yiddish version, and even a Samoan version. Dunno if there's a Maori version.
Oh, and a remix version of Nuestro Himno will be released in June; I'm sure it'll be a big hit with the kids at this year's Blue Light Disco.
[Link] <<-- BBC story.
[Link] <<-- USA Today story.
nuestro himno
The anthem was released on radio yesterday under the title, Nuestro Himno, which translates as Our Anthem.
Just in case you were wondering, the Wikipedia article on the Star Spangled Banner asserts that Nuestro Himno is not an exact translation of Francis Scott Key's poem from the War of 1812.
It also mentions that this isn't the first time the anthem has been adapted into a language other than English. Indeed, there's been a German version, a Yiddish version, and even a Samoan version. Dunno if there's a Maori version.
Oh, and a remix version of Nuestro Himno will be released in June; I'm sure it'll be a big hit with the kids at this year's Blue Light Disco.
[Link] <<-- BBC story.
[Link] <<-- USA Today story.
nuestro himno
Hacker Only Hunting Aliens
Gary McKinnon, the British hacker who hacked his way into the computer systems at NASA, and the Pentagon [among others] claims that his motivation was to find out if aliens exist.
US officials are less than impressed with the 39 year old, and assert that he caused considerable damage to their systems at a sensitive time following 9/11.
And did the hacker find what he was looking for? Apparently so, including a picture of "some kind of satellite or spacecraft" that was sitting "above the Earth."
His next appearance in court is May 10 where US officials will argue to have him extradited to the US.
[Link] <<-- Sydney Morning Herald story.
Friday, 28 April 2006
C For Cookie
Very cool spoof of the V For Vendetta trailer, starring your favourite Sesame Street characters.
Cookie! Um-num-num-num-num!
Cookie! Um-num-num-num-num!
Is Parking That Bad in Auckland?
Someone paid $78,000 for a carpark in Auckland?! Does it come with a dishwasher and microwave, or do you have to furnish it yourself?
Holy crap that's hilarious, and there's even a website soon to be up and running for buyers and sellers, would you believe.
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story.
[Link] <<-- Buy me a freakin' carpark!
Holy crap that's hilarious, and there's even a website soon to be up and running for buyers and sellers, would you believe.
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story.
[Link] <<-- Buy me a freakin' carpark!
That's More Like It!
Yesterday I blogged about how it would be cool if we managed to scamper another 100-150 runs in our first innings. Well today we did better than that -- 270 runs better, with another two batsmen left in the hut, should they be required.
So now, with 500+ runs in the bank and two spin bowlers in the lineup, South Africa are going to be under pressure right from the start on a pitch that should begin to break up towards the end of day three. Ex-cellent.
[Link] <<-- Day two bulletin.
[Link] <<-- Day two scorecard.
Cricket
So now, with 500+ runs in the bank and two spin bowlers in the lineup, South Africa are going to be under pressure right from the start on a pitch that should begin to break up towards the end of day three. Ex-cellent.
[Link] <<-- Day two bulletin.
[Link] <<-- Day two scorecard.
Cricket
Thursday, 27 April 2006
"High Five!"
I had no idea that there is going to be a movie starring Borat called, er, Borat.
According to the Wikipedia entry, the film is going to be like a false documentary and will chiefly involve Borat wanting to make Pamela Anderson his wife. Borat will drive across the US in an ice cream truck to achieve this goal, interviewing ordinary folks along the way.
[Link] <<-- IMDb entry.
According to the Wikipedia entry, the film is going to be like a false documentary and will chiefly involve Borat wanting to make Pamela Anderson his wife. Borat will drive across the US in an ice cream truck to achieve this goal, interviewing ordinary folks along the way.
[Link] <<-- IMDb entry.
Hand Over the Dildo
This picture is hilarious.
I don't know who photoshopped it, but it's very good and it acts as a nice companion piece to the story that I blogged about a few days ago -- you know, the one about the Representative from South Carolina trying to ban the sale of dildos.
[Link] <<-- Photo link from Dare Generation Diary.
Let's Try Not to Lose This One
Day one of the second Test and thus far things are going swimmingly when you take into consideration our atrocious batting.
Granted, closing at 265/6 is less than ideal, although when one reflects on the condition of the pitch, that score might just be par at this stage of the match for the team batting first.
Certainly, going into the game with two spin bowlers looks to be an inspired decision, and if New Zealand can add an extra 100-150 runs tomorrow then a score of 350+ might be enough to force enough pressure on South Africa if the pitch breaks up early.
[Link] <<-- Day one scorecard.
[Link] <<-- Day one bulletin from Cricinfo.
Cricket
Granted, closing at 265/6 is less than ideal, although when one reflects on the condition of the pitch, that score might just be par at this stage of the match for the team batting first.
Certainly, going into the game with two spin bowlers looks to be an inspired decision, and if New Zealand can add an extra 100-150 runs tomorrow then a score of 350+ might be enough to force enough pressure on South Africa if the pitch breaks up early.
[Link] <<-- Day one scorecard.
[Link] <<-- Day one bulletin from Cricinfo.
Cricket
Plagiarism is Bad, M'kay?
There's definitely something in the water when yet another writer is under the spotlight for the unauthorized lifting of another's work.
This week's unlucky candidate is teenager Kaavya Viswanathan, a student at Harvard who created quite the stir when she was offered the princely sum of $500,000 for two novels. Although that sum has been refuted by her publisher, Little, Brown, it's fair to say that it was probably a higher figure than your average first time novelist gets.
The offending novel in question is How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life. The novel was released by Alloy Entertainment, a book packaging company that have released a shedload of popular titles aimed at teens like The A-List, Sweet Valley High, The Clique, The Au Pairs, Girls in Pants, and The Gossip Girls, among others. Since I work as a bookseller for a large national chain, I can tell you that these books practically fly off the shelves
Anywho, depending on what news source you read the novel contains anywhere between 29 and 40 instances of plagiarism. That's quite a lot, and it seems that they were lifted from two Megan McCafferty novels, namely Sloppy Firsts [followed by its sequel, Sloppy Seconds ... okay that was cheap and easy, but I couldn't pass it up], and Second Helpings.
And what was Viswanathan's excuse? "I wasn't aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty's words."
Riiight.
In one or two instances it's quite easy to write something down that one thinks is the shit, only to discover later that you read it somewhere else. If one is well-read and reads often, you'll be surprised how something like that can happen. But up to 40 times in one novel? I think that rather takes the cake. I mean, fuck!
Further reading ...
[Link] <<-- The Harvard Crimson breaks the story.
[Link] <<-- The New York Times delves into the world of book packagers.
[Link] <<-- Slate's John Barlow speaks of his own experience with a book packager.
[Link] <<-- Slate's Jack Shafer offers his own explanation on why plagiarists do what they do.
Plagiarism, Publishing, Writing
This week's unlucky candidate is teenager Kaavya Viswanathan, a student at Harvard who created quite the stir when she was offered the princely sum of $500,000 for two novels. Although that sum has been refuted by her publisher, Little, Brown, it's fair to say that it was probably a higher figure than your average first time novelist gets.
The offending novel in question is How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life. The novel was released by Alloy Entertainment, a book packaging company that have released a shedload of popular titles aimed at teens like The A-List, Sweet Valley High, The Clique, The Au Pairs, Girls in Pants, and The Gossip Girls, among others. Since I work as a bookseller for a large national chain, I can tell you that these books practically fly off the shelves
Anywho, depending on what news source you read the novel contains anywhere between 29 and 40 instances of plagiarism. That's quite a lot, and it seems that they were lifted from two Megan McCafferty novels, namely Sloppy Firsts [followed by its sequel, Sloppy Seconds ... okay that was cheap and easy, but I couldn't pass it up], and Second Helpings.
And what was Viswanathan's excuse? "I wasn't aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty's words."
Riiight.
In one or two instances it's quite easy to write something down that one thinks is the shit, only to discover later that you read it somewhere else. If one is well-read and reads often, you'll be surprised how something like that can happen. But up to 40 times in one novel? I think that rather takes the cake. I mean, fuck!
Further reading ...
[Link] <<-- The Harvard Crimson breaks the story.
[Link] <<-- The New York Times delves into the world of book packagers.
[Link] <<-- Slate's John Barlow speaks of his own experience with a book packager.
[Link] <<-- Slate's Jack Shafer offers his own explanation on why plagiarists do what they do.
Plagiarism, Publishing, Writing
Wednesday, 26 April 2006
Snakes
Well I saw my first snake today. To people from a country that has plenty of snakes, this is most likely not a big deal. However, New Zealand has no snakes [unless you count politicians, geddit? Heh] so seeing one up close and personal is pretty cool.
It wasn't a big snake, and thanks to one of our Florida critters guides we were able to identify it as a member of the racer family.
This dude was just chilling out on the large rock we have at one end of the back garden, basking in the sun and minding its own business. When it decided it had put up long enough with us gawking at it, the thing moved fucking fast through the garden and disappeared into some undergrowth.
I'd like to add that the racer isn't poisonous, but will bite when cornered. Just in case you were worried I'd try and pick it up or something, like the Crocodile Hunter.
There you have it. Next week I'll probably see an alligator in the lake out back if I'm lucky.
It wasn't a big snake, and thanks to one of our Florida critters guides we were able to identify it as a member of the racer family.
This dude was just chilling out on the large rock we have at one end of the back garden, basking in the sun and minding its own business. When it decided it had put up long enough with us gawking at it, the thing moved fucking fast through the garden and disappeared into some undergrowth.
I'd like to add that the racer isn't poisonous, but will bite when cornered. Just in case you were worried I'd try and pick it up or something, like the Crocodile Hunter.
There you have it. Next week I'll probably see an alligator in the lake out back if I'm lucky.
The Odd Questions
If you've ever flown into the US you would have noticed the little questionnaire that you get with your I-94 arrival card.
One question in particular that always makes me chuckle is the one that asks if you were involved in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany and its allies between 1933 and 1945. Having been born in 1978 I think I can say, with almost 100 percent conviction, that I was not involved in any persecutions between those years.
Although the question is earnest, I can't help but wonder if anyone has ever owned up to such a question.
Anyway, if you're progressing down the immigration highway I have to tell you that the odd questions do not stop at your port of entry. Take for example the two pearlers I received yesterday.
Q: Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party?
Q: Have you ever engaged in prostitution?
This second one caused my wife to barely control a guffaw that was lodged in her throat. I myself wanted to say, "Well here's a funny story. It's true that I have never willingly entered into prostitution as a viable career option, but there was this one time in Thailand when I was skint and I needed some money to bail a buddy out of the big house. Let's just say the cop was not above taking a bribe, if you get my drift."
No matter how funny you think any answer other than a straight out "no" might be, just say no and move on to the next question.
One question in particular that always makes me chuckle is the one that asks if you were involved in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany and its allies between 1933 and 1945. Having been born in 1978 I think I can say, with almost 100 percent conviction, that I was not involved in any persecutions between those years.
Although the question is earnest, I can't help but wonder if anyone has ever owned up to such a question.
Anyway, if you're progressing down the immigration highway I have to tell you that the odd questions do not stop at your port of entry. Take for example the two pearlers I received yesterday.
Q: Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party?
Q: Have you ever engaged in prostitution?
This second one caused my wife to barely control a guffaw that was lodged in her throat. I myself wanted to say, "Well here's a funny story. It's true that I have never willingly entered into prostitution as a viable career option, but there was this one time in Thailand when I was skint and I needed some money to bail a buddy out of the big house. Let's just say the cop was not above taking a bribe, if you get my drift."
No matter how funny you think any answer other than a straight out "no" might be, just say no and move on to the next question.
Dumbass Sports Writers
Tiger Woods shouldn't be making the odd bungy jump while he is in New Zealand, according to some golf writers.
Yep, apparently he lost his "good judgment" when he, like a naughty little boy, decided to do something that had nothing to do with golf. That'll be a stern paddling and then off to bed without supper for Tiger, then.
Last time I checked, Tiger Woods was an adult capable of making his own decisions and if he wants to go bungy jumping in Queenstown, or hang-gliding in the Grand Canyon, then he should be able to do so without a couple of twits saying otherwise.
Yet Rick Arnett, vice-president of AvidGolfer magazine, wrote in a Sports Illustrated column about the "gaping hole" a Tiger-less PGA Tour would leave should he be maimed while bungy jumping.
Now I'm sure Mr. Arnett knows an awful lot more about golf than I, but this writer seems to recall the game of golf being quite popular before Tiger Woods exploded onto the scene. And -- dare I say it -- the game of golf will survive Woods's eventual departure and continue being popular for some time yet.
No, what I really suspect is that people like Rick Arnett make these types of comments from a selfish point of view; after all, should Tiger stop playing prematurely, for whatever reason, maybe subscriptions to Mr. Arnett's golf magazine would fall?
These people's concern at Woods's safety stems from their own financial considerations and nothing more: why else would they spew such bullshit in a magazine?
[Link] <<-- Stuff.co.nz article.
[Link] <<-- Sports Illustrated article.
Yep, apparently he lost his "good judgment" when he, like a naughty little boy, decided to do something that had nothing to do with golf. That'll be a stern paddling and then off to bed without supper for Tiger, then.
Last time I checked, Tiger Woods was an adult capable of making his own decisions and if he wants to go bungy jumping in Queenstown, or hang-gliding in the Grand Canyon, then he should be able to do so without a couple of twits saying otherwise.
Yet Rick Arnett, vice-president of AvidGolfer magazine, wrote in a Sports Illustrated column about the "gaping hole" a Tiger-less PGA Tour would leave should he be maimed while bungy jumping.
Now I'm sure Mr. Arnett knows an awful lot more about golf than I, but this writer seems to recall the game of golf being quite popular before Tiger Woods exploded onto the scene. And -- dare I say it -- the game of golf will survive Woods's eventual departure and continue being popular for some time yet.
No, what I really suspect is that people like Rick Arnett make these types of comments from a selfish point of view; after all, should Tiger stop playing prematurely, for whatever reason, maybe subscriptions to Mr. Arnett's golf magazine would fall?
These people's concern at Woods's safety stems from their own financial considerations and nothing more: why else would they spew such bullshit in a magazine?
[Link] <<-- Stuff.co.nz article.
[Link] <<-- Sports Illustrated article.
Immigration Interview
As the title says, I had my immigration interview today. If any of you have ever been through the process of immigrating to another country, then you'll know it's a long and particular process that you're a part of. And if something goes wrong, then it can be an awful feeling.
Like the part when the interviewer asked me for my sponsor's tax forms and last three pay stubs.
You can already tell that I'm going to write in this space that I didn't have those. Sigh.
Why did you not have those, Richard?
Because the instructions I received from immigration stipulated that any medical and financial forms that had been previously submitted need not be brought along to the interview.
Please don't tell me you fucking followed instructions.
I followed instructions; to the letter.
Well that's where you fucked up, dipshit! Rule number one when dealing with immigration is: never follow instructions.
With the benefit of hindsight I am beginning to see the wisdom in that statement.
You bet your ass, buckaroo.
Was the issue resolved? Well, the lady charitably gave us until 3pm to have the extra information faxed to her office, otherwise ... I don't know what the otherwise part was, I was too busy trying to keep it together.
After all, my file on her desk that had started out life in Auckland as a few little bits of paper had swelled to biblical proportions: it's a veritable doorstop now, and I shudder to think how many trees gave their life for my immigration file. The thought of having to start all over again because of one measly oversight was threatening to constrict my balls.
Okay, enough with the melodrama but I was uber pissed. At least my sponsor [my father-in-law] was able to fax the info to the number she gave us, and we should get a confirmation note in the mail soon. I hope.
But goodness me, when you think you have all the bases covered they throw you a curve ball. When it comes to immigration you can never be too prepared, I guess.
Oh, and I'd just like to comment on how much of a shithole North Miami is. Seriously, Otara is the fucking French Riviera when compared to NM. When we were walking to the office I was expecting to hear a few gunshots ring out from a drug deal gone sour; or maybe even witness a ram-raid on a liquor store. Sadly, I encountered neither.
Like the part when the interviewer asked me for my sponsor's tax forms and last three pay stubs.
You can already tell that I'm going to write in this space that I didn't have those. Sigh.
Why did you not have those, Richard?
Because the instructions I received from immigration stipulated that any medical and financial forms that had been previously submitted need not be brought along to the interview.
Please don't tell me you fucking followed instructions.
I followed instructions; to the letter.
Well that's where you fucked up, dipshit! Rule number one when dealing with immigration is: never follow instructions.
With the benefit of hindsight I am beginning to see the wisdom in that statement.
You bet your ass, buckaroo.
Was the issue resolved? Well, the lady charitably gave us until 3pm to have the extra information faxed to her office, otherwise ... I don't know what the otherwise part was, I was too busy trying to keep it together.
After all, my file on her desk that had started out life in Auckland as a few little bits of paper had swelled to biblical proportions: it's a veritable doorstop now, and I shudder to think how many trees gave their life for my immigration file. The thought of having to start all over again because of one measly oversight was threatening to constrict my balls.
Okay, enough with the melodrama but I was uber pissed. At least my sponsor [my father-in-law] was able to fax the info to the number she gave us, and we should get a confirmation note in the mail soon. I hope.
But goodness me, when you think you have all the bases covered they throw you a curve ball. When it comes to immigration you can never be too prepared, I guess.
Oh, and I'd just like to comment on how much of a shithole North Miami is. Seriously, Otara is the fucking French Riviera when compared to NM. When we were walking to the office I was expecting to hear a few gunshots ring out from a drug deal gone sour; or maybe even witness a ram-raid on a liquor store. Sadly, I encountered neither.
Stool Patrol
I've worked a few retail jobs in my 28 years on this earth, and I've seen/heard a few horror stories where the public is concerned. My experience therefore has shown me that 99.9% of the public are pretty normal; it's that .1% that you need to watch out for.
A good example of this was the gentleman who came into the store the other day to use the restroom. He was partially successful in purging his bowels in the designated potty area, but I'm sure he was just too darn proud of his creation to keep it contained in the bathroom, so he decided to show the entire fucking store.
I shit you not, this dude was about 800 lbs so you can imagine a man of that size has a lot of cable to lay ... and lay he did: all over the carpet; down his pants; on the linoleum opposite the cafe; and on the footpath outside.
Oh, and then there was the mess inside the bathroom where poo had congregated everywhere else except in the freakin toilet. There was even a human palm print pasted with poo on the mirror in a twisted mockery of the climax palm wipe from Titanic. The manager thinks the print was made when the guy was trying to brace himself against the mirror in order to wipe at a stubborn spot.
It's a good thing I didn't have to clean it up, because I ain't getting paid enough to wipe someone else's scat, homies.
Ah, the joys of retail.
A good example of this was the gentleman who came into the store the other day to use the restroom. He was partially successful in purging his bowels in the designated potty area, but I'm sure he was just too darn proud of his creation to keep it contained in the bathroom, so he decided to show the entire fucking store.
I shit you not, this dude was about 800 lbs so you can imagine a man of that size has a lot of cable to lay ... and lay he did: all over the carpet; down his pants; on the linoleum opposite the cafe; and on the footpath outside.
Oh, and then there was the mess inside the bathroom where poo had congregated everywhere else except in the freakin toilet. There was even a human palm print pasted with poo on the mirror in a twisted mockery of the climax palm wipe from Titanic. The manager thinks the print was made when the guy was trying to brace himself against the mirror in order to wipe at a stubborn spot.
It's a good thing I didn't have to clean it up, because I ain't getting paid enough to wipe someone else's scat, homies.
Ah, the joys of retail.
Sinkhole Kills Man ... In His House
What a shitty way to go -- some poor dude was chilling out in his home when a sinkhole opened up and sucked him down, killing him under foundation rubble.
The home is suspected to have been built over an abandoned mine that may have become unstable after heavy rain softened the ground.
[Link] <<-- CNEWS story.
The home is suspected to have been built over an abandoned mine that may have become unstable after heavy rain softened the ground.
[Link] <<-- CNEWS story.
Monday, 24 April 2006
Hades it's Hot
Fark! I took a stroll outside earlier today and while I was out there I remarked to myself, 'Golly it's very warm, I wonder what our Galileo thermometer says the temp is.'
And do y'know what that thermometer said? It said, 'I need about tree fiddy.'
And I was like, 'Damn you Galileo thermometer, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!'
Actually it said the temp was between 90° and 95°F [32° - 35°C]. So yeah, you could say that's quite warmish. It's certainly warm enough to increase the mass of one's balls by a factor of three ... or more.
And do y'know what that thermometer said? It said, 'I need about tree fiddy.'
And I was like, 'Damn you Galileo thermometer, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!'
Actually it said the temp was between 90° and 95°F [32° - 35°C]. So yeah, you could say that's quite warmish. It's certainly warm enough to increase the mass of one's balls by a factor of three ... or more.
Four Hundred
Well here is the 400th post since I started this blog. I didn't really plan to write anything special to mark this humble event, although you might be interested in hearing about some tweaks I made to my template tonight.
No?
Well, since you asked ... the sharp-eyed folks probably noticed the disappearing links over on the right hand side. I figured I would slurp everything up into drop down menus as my links really did begin to runneth over.
I'm not sure if I like the new look at the moment, so we'll have to let time be the judge.
That's pretty much it. But I did go through my back catalogue and select some random posts as a sort of retrospective. Enjoy ...
It's new to me so it might be new to you (unless it's old).
The Restroom.
China's Cryptomorphic Condom.
The 100x100 Hamburger Beats the Hept Whopper.
Hollywood Nanny Reveals All!
You'll Have to Answer to the McDonalds Corporation, Mister!
No?
Well, since you asked ... the sharp-eyed folks probably noticed the disappearing links over on the right hand side. I figured I would slurp everything up into drop down menus as my links really did begin to runneth over.
I'm not sure if I like the new look at the moment, so we'll have to let time be the judge.
That's pretty much it. But I did go through my back catalogue and select some random posts as a sort of retrospective. Enjoy ...
It's new to me so it might be new to you (unless it's old).
The Restroom.
China's Cryptomorphic Condom.
The 100x100 Hamburger Beats the Hept Whopper.
Hollywood Nanny Reveals All!
You'll Have to Answer to the McDonalds Corporation, Mister!
Sunday, 23 April 2006
Welcome to South Carolina: No Wanking
Apparently there's a Republican representative trying to get a bill introduced in the South Carolina legislature that would make the sale of sex toys illegal.
Republican Rep. Ralph Davenport is the determined brainiac behind the bill to drive those dastardly dildos from his fair State, and thus far the only county in South Carolina to put the squeeze on stores selling sex toys has been Mr. Brainiac's.
Of late he's been unsuccessful in finding a co-sponsor for his bill, and the Anderson Independent-Mail suggests that the bill's passage would be unlikely this year. But there's always next year, right Ralph?
Now a bill's journey through your local legislature takes time and money: it's no easy thing to propose something and carefully nurture the seed of your loin to sprouthood. A proposition needs to have a few things in order before it becomes law. Firstly, as we've already spoken about, it needs a sponsor or two to get airborne; then we have a few readings here and there; throw in our friend the select committee to suggest any amendments; stir in a consideration or two; and only then [if everything is ship-shape] will it be placed on the calendar to be ratified by the legislature, much to the joy of its sponsor[s] and proponents; and, conversely, much to the despair of its opponents.
Long story short -- it's a freakin' boring and drawn-out process ... and one knob is trying to go down that path over the sale of rubber cocks? Surely one's State legislature was designed to pass more important laws than that.
I won't be surprised if the bill is eventually passed: then South Carolina can join other States like Texas, and Georgia, to name but two that already have a ban on selling an item as innocuous as a vibrator.
[Link] <<-- Read all about it in theAnderson
Republican Rep. Ralph Davenport is the determined brainiac behind the bill to drive those dastardly dildos from his fair State, and thus far the only county in South Carolina to put the squeeze on stores selling sex toys has been Mr. Brainiac's.
Of late he's been unsuccessful in finding a co-sponsor for his bill, and the Anderson Independent-Mail suggests that the bill's passage would be unlikely this year. But there's always next year, right Ralph?
Now a bill's journey through your local legislature takes time and money: it's no easy thing to propose something and carefully nurture the seed of your loin to sprouthood. A proposition needs to have a few things in order before it becomes law. Firstly, as we've already spoken about, it needs a sponsor or two to get airborne; then we have a few readings here and there; throw in our friend the select committee to suggest any amendments; stir in a consideration or two; and only then [if everything is ship-shape] will it be placed on the calendar to be ratified by the legislature, much to the joy of its sponsor[s] and proponents; and, conversely, much to the despair of its opponents.
Long story short -- it's a freakin' boring and drawn-out process ... and one knob is trying to go down that path over the sale of rubber cocks? Surely one's State legislature was designed to pass more important laws than that.
I won't be surprised if the bill is eventually passed: then South Carolina can join other States like Texas, and Georgia, to name but two that already have a ban on selling an item as innocuous as a vibrator.
[Link] <<-- Read all about it in the
Release The Hounds
Some silly person decided to make their Star Wars fan fiction commercially available on Amazon.
In basic terms that's someone selling something that they have no rights to, seeing as LucasFilm owns the rights to that particular playground [well, duh].
It could all be a bit of a gimmick, but try telling that to George Lucas's hired goons.
[Link] <<-- Amazon book listing [not sure how long it'll be up].
[Link] <<-- Read more about it at A Writer's Life.
In basic terms that's someone selling something that they have no rights to, seeing as LucasFilm owns the rights to that particular playground [well, duh].
It could all be a bit of a gimmick, but try telling that to George Lucas's hired goons.
[Link] <<-- Amazon book listing [not sure how long it'll be up].
[Link] <<-- Read more about it at A Writer's Life.
Thursday, 20 April 2006
I Said, Pray For Bloody Rain!
Oh, man -- how glum was that game? It's pretty dire when your two highest scoring batsmen are your numbers six and eight. D'oh!
[Link] <<-- Yep.
[Link] <<-- Yep.
PC of Today Built Into a PC of Yesteryear
Or an olde Commodore PET from the 1970s to be exact. Cool!
Make: Blog has the skinny on the groovy build as some enterprising chap hacked the guts from a Gateway GP6-400 and crammed them into the shell of our willing test subject.
[Link] <<-- Check it @ Make: Blog.
[Link] <<-- Flickr photo set.
Tuesday, 18 April 2006
Pass the Placenta
Tom Cruise should probably lay off the jokes for a few years, especially if he doesn't want uber-tabloids like the Daily Mirror reporting his tongue-in-cheek comment about eating placenta as fact.
Would you like fries with that?
Although with a newspaper like the Mirror, it was never on the cards that they'd pass up the opportunity to wheel out some dreadful puns while generally getting as much mileage from the afterbirth quote as possible.
[Link] <<-- The Daily Mirror says, Tom Chews [geddit? Rimshot!].
[Link] <<-- Gawker says, Tom Cruise Won't Eat Placenta Croquettes.
[Link] <<-- The BBC says, Why Eat a Placenta?
Would you like fries with that?Although with a newspaper like the Mirror, it was never on the cards that they'd pass up the opportunity to wheel out some dreadful puns while generally getting as much mileage from the afterbirth quote as possible.
[Link] <<-- The Daily Mirror says, Tom Chews [geddit? Rimshot!].
[Link] <<-- Gawker says, Tom Cruise Won't Eat Placenta Croquettes.
[Link] <<-- The BBC says, Why Eat a Placenta?
Invasion: Canada
There's a fascinating little document from the 1930s called War Plan Red. WPR is basically a blueprint for invading Canada, and was drawn up by the US Army.
If you read down through the document it also takes into account the likely retaliation from the British and other Commonwealth forces [named as the Red force in the plan; the US being the Blue force].
What's particularly chilling is the intended use of poison gas against the Canadians, and to destroy Halifax by strategic bombing if it could not be captured by the army. Halifax's port facilities would naturally be a primary target for the US Army in order to prevent them from being used by the Royal Navy to disembark reinforcements. Oh, and in conjunction with War Plan Red was to be War Plan Scarlet, presumably using US Naval forces in the Pacific to tie up Australia and New Zealand.
War Plan Red was declassified in the 1970s and it caused quite the stir with Canadians, as you might imagine it would. However, would you believe the Canadians had their own plan to invade the United States? Well, indeed they did and their plan was developed a few years before the American plan.
The gist of the Canadian plan, developed by First World War hero James Sutherland "Buster" Brown, was to send soldiers rushing toward Minneapolis, Seattle, Albany, and Great Falls with the intention of causing mayhem and tying up American soldiers long enough for the Brits to enter the fray.
But of course the troubles in Europe came to a head at the end of the 1930s, and by then everyone had much bigger fish to fry so any thoughts of invading one's neighbour were forgotten ... or were they?
Ah, there's nothing like mutual invasion plans to strengthen the bonds of friendship, eh?
[Link] <<-- War Plan Red.
[Link] <<-- Washington Post article on Yankee & Canuck Invasion plans.
If you read down through the document it also takes into account the likely retaliation from the British and other Commonwealth forces [named as the Red force in the plan; the US being the Blue force].
What's particularly chilling is the intended use of poison gas against the Canadians, and to destroy Halifax by strategic bombing if it could not be captured by the army. Halifax's port facilities would naturally be a primary target for the US Army in order to prevent them from being used by the Royal Navy to disembark reinforcements. Oh, and in conjunction with War Plan Red was to be War Plan Scarlet, presumably using US Naval forces in the Pacific to tie up Australia and New Zealand.
War Plan Red was declassified in the 1970s and it caused quite the stir with Canadians, as you might imagine it would. However, would you believe the Canadians had their own plan to invade the United States? Well, indeed they did and their plan was developed a few years before the American plan.
The gist of the Canadian plan, developed by First World War hero James Sutherland "Buster" Brown, was to send soldiers rushing toward Minneapolis, Seattle, Albany, and Great Falls with the intention of causing mayhem and tying up American soldiers long enough for the Brits to enter the fray.
But of course the troubles in Europe came to a head at the end of the 1930s, and by then everyone had much bigger fish to fry so any thoughts of invading one's neighbour were forgotten ... or were they?
Ah, there's nothing like mutual invasion plans to strengthen the bonds of friendship, eh?
[Link] <<-- War Plan Red.
[Link] <<-- Washington Post article on Yankee & Canuck Invasion plans.
Monday, 17 April 2006
Not Cool, Japan.
Could it soon be Save the Whales 2.0? Well, according to a New Zealand Herald story about Japan almost having the numbers to control the International Whaling Commission [IWC], maybe so.
It always cracks me up when the Japanese scientists in charge of their whaling programme remark that they only kill the whales for "scientific purposes". Yeah, right -- and once they do their tests it's like, "Golly gee, ya know it'd be a real shame to let all this left over whale meat go to waste. I mean we could just throw it in the rubbish bin, or grind it up for fertilizer ... but why do that when Ninja Sushi down the road will pay us a billion yen a pound for this shit! W00t, party at Toni Brown's!"
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story on Japan being so-close-it-can-taste-it.
whaling
It always cracks me up when the Japanese scientists in charge of their whaling programme remark that they only kill the whales for "scientific purposes". Yeah, right -- and once they do their tests it's like, "Golly gee, ya know it'd be a real shame to let all this left over whale meat go to waste. I mean we could just throw it in the rubbish bin, or grind it up for fertilizer ... but why do that when Ninja Sushi down the road will pay us a billion yen a pound for this shit! W00t, party at Toni Brown's!"
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story on Japan being so-close-it-can-taste-it.
whaling
At Least He Didn't Tell the One About the Black Man's Cock ...
However, seeing as that particular joke from The Office was about the Royal Family, and the speaker was in Scotland, it might have fared better than the joke that was actually used.
What am I talking about? Oh, some public speaker at a posh soiree in Scotland sank like a lead balloon when he threw in an impromptu joke during a speech in which he was, er, bombing [that's an advance pun; it'll make sense later].
Apparently a dude by the name of John Vine, a top copper from Scotland, was acting as the grand speaker to a large collection of top legal persons. According to the Scotsman's story, Vine was not doing so flash chatting to this group of exalted ones, even with the help of a shed load of wine. So in order to loosen things up, he dived into a joke.
The joke was about suicide bombers. I'm not sure how the buildup goes exactly, but the punch line is a fair indicator on how to fabricate your own version, should you desire to use it at your next formal dinner.
Anyway, the joke begins as two Al-Qaeda terrorists are comparing notes about the careers of their respective children ... who happen to be suicide bombers. The punch line, delivered in the guise of one of the fathers, is this: "Ah, kids -- they blow up so quickly these days."
No one laughed.
This is strange because I'm pissing myself with laughter as I write this. Yeah, one could probably make an argument that the joke was out of place for such an austere setting, but the muted reaction, followed by righteous indignation, just proves that lawyers have no sense of humour even with the help of alcohol.
Some damp blouse was even quoted as saying the joke was "thoroughly distasteful and I bet he's living to regret it now." Oh fuck off you precious twat; if you were so concerned with Mr. Vine's speaking skills then why the hell did you ask him as a group to do it? Sheesh, what a knob.
So there you are, and I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today about the perils of going off script.
[Link] <<-- Read about it in the Scotsman, via Neil Gaiman.
What am I talking about? Oh, some public speaker at a posh soiree in Scotland sank like a lead balloon when he threw in an impromptu joke during a speech in which he was, er, bombing [that's an advance pun; it'll make sense later].
Apparently a dude by the name of John Vine, a top copper from Scotland, was acting as the grand speaker to a large collection of top legal persons. According to the Scotsman's story, Vine was not doing so flash chatting to this group of exalted ones, even with the help of a shed load of wine. So in order to loosen things up, he dived into a joke.
The joke was about suicide bombers. I'm not sure how the buildup goes exactly, but the punch line is a fair indicator on how to fabricate your own version, should you desire to use it at your next formal dinner.
Anyway, the joke begins as two Al-Qaeda terrorists are comparing notes about the careers of their respective children ... who happen to be suicide bombers. The punch line, delivered in the guise of one of the fathers, is this: "Ah, kids -- they blow up so quickly these days."
No one laughed.
This is strange because I'm pissing myself with laughter as I write this. Yeah, one could probably make an argument that the joke was out of place for such an austere setting, but the muted reaction, followed by righteous indignation, just proves that lawyers have no sense of humour even with the help of alcohol.
Some damp blouse was even quoted as saying the joke was "thoroughly distasteful and I bet he's living to regret it now." Oh fuck off you precious twat; if you were so concerned with Mr. Vine's speaking skills then why the hell did you ask him as a group to do it? Sheesh, what a knob.
So there you are, and I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today about the perils of going off script.
[Link] <<-- Read about it in the Scotsman, via Neil Gaiman.
Friday, 14 April 2006
Cartoon Wars, redux.
As I thought they would, YouTube removed the South Park excerpt I blogged about in a previous post due our old friend Mr. Copyright Infringement. Sur-frickin-prise.
Luckily Boing Boing have a few links up so you can still see it ... if you're fast.
[Link] <<-- From videosift.com
Luckily Boing Boing have a few links up so you can still see it ... if you're fast.
[Link] <<-- From videosift.com
Guess Who's Back.
Got a groovy email this morning from my pal Moose who arrived back in NZ recently with his girlfriend Shona after 15 months teaching Engrish in Korea.
Moose and Shona snuck back into the country quietly -- three months early, in fact -- so they could make some surprise visits on friends and family via a North Island road trip.
That's definitely a trick I'd like to try when my wife and I are in the position to make a flying visit back to NZ. However, it won't be for a while because right now I couldn't afford a plane ticket to Atlanta, let alone Auckland -- derp!
Moose and Shona have their old jobs waiting for them in New Plymouth, so I hope they enjoy settling back into Kiwi life after their Korean experience.
Moose and Shona snuck back into the country quietly -- three months early, in fact -- so they could make some surprise visits on friends and family via a North Island road trip.
That's definitely a trick I'd like to try when my wife and I are in the position to make a flying visit back to NZ. However, it won't be for a while because right now I couldn't afford a plane ticket to Atlanta, let alone Auckland -- derp!
Moose and Shona have their old jobs waiting for them in New Plymouth, so I hope they enjoy settling back into Kiwi life after their Korean experience.
Revisionist History
The Second World War ended over sixty years ago, yet it still has the capacity to be topical today. Not only is the conflict topical, but emotional as well when certain events are brought forward or revised by historians with an agenda. Take for example the new book from Massey University historian Glyn Harper.
The book, entitled In the Face of the Enemy, discusses Kiwi war hero Clive Hulme. Hulme won the Victoria Cross for bravery during the Battle of Crete in 1941. In some engagements, Hulme also wore a German paratrooper smock to infiltrate German snipers and catch them unawares. By committing that particular act, Harper accuses Hulme of being a war criminal.
Certainly, under Article 23 of the 1907 Hague Convention, it states that it is forbidden to “make improper use of a flag of truce, of the national flag or of the military insignia and uniform of the enemy, as well as the distinctive badges of the Geneva Convention”. So as you can see, by Hulme making improper use of the uniform of the enemy in order to kill them, that would be considered illegal under the articles of the convention.
However, take a read through the other articles of Regulations Respecting the Laws and Customs of War on Land [Annex to the Convention], and ask yourself which, if any of those articles, were adhered to. An individual with only a basic understanding of the period would be hard-pressed to say with conviction that every soldier in every army adhered to the articles between 1939 and 1945.
But does that make everything right? Of course it does not. If a soldier committed an act that went against the convention then that act is illegal. However, I doubt any soldier in that conflict carried around a Cliff’s Notes version of the Laws of War for a quick consultation under fire to see if any retaliation they were about to attempt would be considered illegal or not.
It may be a cliché, but soldiers do what they have to do to survive: would you do otherwise? And if surviving meant donning an enemy’s paratrooper smock so one could eliminate a nest of snipers by subterfuge, then I would do that also. And if you’re sitting there thinking you wouldn’t, then you’re either a better person than I; or you are lying.
Granted, I’m very fortunate to have -- thus far -- never been in a position where I’ve had to make such a decision. Thankfully no war has come knocking at my door asking for my service; thankfully I live in an age where conscription has been consigned to history, and most wars are conducted by career soldiers who are braver than I.
See how comfortable it is for us? See how comfortable it is for historians to sit amongst their moldy articles and cast judgment on a deceased individual so they can turn a buck from a new book. See how comfortable it is for a right cock like Peter Wills at Auckland University’s Centre for Peace Studies [what the fuck does that mean anyway? Do they sit around drinking green tea while making dandelion chains all day? Puh-lease -- get a real job, arsehole] can say that a decorated soldier displayed “great cowardice” in doing what he did.
What comfortable lives we lead.
[Link] <<-- Sunday Star-Times article.
History, World War 2
The book, entitled In the Face of the Enemy, discusses Kiwi war hero Clive Hulme. Hulme won the Victoria Cross for bravery during the Battle of Crete in 1941. In some engagements, Hulme also wore a German paratrooper smock to infiltrate German snipers and catch them unawares. By committing that particular act, Harper accuses Hulme of being a war criminal.
Certainly, under Article 23 of the 1907 Hague Convention, it states that it is forbidden to “make improper use of a flag of truce, of the national flag or of the military insignia and uniform of the enemy, as well as the distinctive badges of the Geneva Convention”. So as you can see, by Hulme making improper use of the uniform of the enemy in order to kill them, that would be considered illegal under the articles of the convention.
However, take a read through the other articles of Regulations Respecting the Laws and Customs of War on Land [Annex to the Convention], and ask yourself which, if any of those articles, were adhered to. An individual with only a basic understanding of the period would be hard-pressed to say with conviction that every soldier in every army adhered to the articles between 1939 and 1945.
But does that make everything right? Of course it does not. If a soldier committed an act that went against the convention then that act is illegal. However, I doubt any soldier in that conflict carried around a Cliff’s Notes version of the Laws of War for a quick consultation under fire to see if any retaliation they were about to attempt would be considered illegal or not.
It may be a cliché, but soldiers do what they have to do to survive: would you do otherwise? And if surviving meant donning an enemy’s paratrooper smock so one could eliminate a nest of snipers by subterfuge, then I would do that also. And if you’re sitting there thinking you wouldn’t, then you’re either a better person than I; or you are lying.
Granted, I’m very fortunate to have -- thus far -- never been in a position where I’ve had to make such a decision. Thankfully no war has come knocking at my door asking for my service; thankfully I live in an age where conscription has been consigned to history, and most wars are conducted by career soldiers who are braver than I.
See how comfortable it is for us? See how comfortable it is for historians to sit amongst their moldy articles and cast judgment on a deceased individual so they can turn a buck from a new book. See how comfortable it is for a right cock like Peter Wills at Auckland University’s Centre for Peace Studies [what the fuck does that mean anyway? Do they sit around drinking green tea while making dandelion chains all day? Puh-lease -- get a real job, arsehole] can say that a decorated soldier displayed “great cowardice” in doing what he did.
What comfortable lives we lead.
[Link] <<-- Sunday Star-Times article.
History, World War 2
Cartoon Wars!
South Park has been hilarious this season, and the last couple of episodes in particular. The most recent was a two-part episode called, Cartoon Wars.
Basically South Park went all death blossom on Family Guy, the Prophet Muhammad cartoons, studio hypocrisy, freedom of speech, and lots of other stuff that could take a while to dissect.
The AP reported that Comedy Central would not allow South Park to show an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a football helmet with a salmon on it to Peter Griffin in a fake episode of Family Guy. So when that segment was due to roll, a blank screen was shown instead that explained what was happening in the scene that Comedy Central would not allow you to actually see.
At the end of the episode South Park had a little segment where Al-Qaeda strikes back at American cartoons by producing their own crudely-drawn show where various American people, including Bush, are shown to be crapping over each other and the American flag. Oh, and Jesus shows up to crap over everyone and the American flag.
The not so subtle inference is that Comedy Central would not show a benign image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a football helmet with a salmon on it to Peter Griffin; but they're totally cool with Jesus, Bush, and other images of people defecating over each other and Old Glory. Nice.
YouTube have the Al-Qaeda South Park video up, although I don't know how long it will be up there for. YouTube seem to get all fidgety when excerpts of copyrighted material are shown.
[Link] <<-- AP story [Matt Stone is wearing an All Blacks rugby shirt, w00t!].
[Link] <<-- Wikipedia entry for Cartoon Wars, Part I.
[Link] <<-- Wikipedia entry for Cartoon Wars, Part II.
South Park, Entertainment, TV
Basically South Park went all death blossom on Family Guy, the Prophet Muhammad cartoons, studio hypocrisy, freedom of speech, and lots of other stuff that could take a while to dissect.
The AP reported that Comedy Central would not allow South Park to show an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a football helmet with a salmon on it to Peter Griffin in a fake episode of Family Guy. So when that segment was due to roll, a blank screen was shown instead that explained what was happening in the scene that Comedy Central would not allow you to actually see.
At the end of the episode South Park had a little segment where Al-Qaeda strikes back at American cartoons by producing their own crudely-drawn show where various American people, including Bush, are shown to be crapping over each other and the American flag. Oh, and Jesus shows up to crap over everyone and the American flag.
The not so subtle inference is that Comedy Central would not show a benign image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a football helmet with a salmon on it to Peter Griffin; but they're totally cool with Jesus, Bush, and other images of people defecating over each other and Old Glory. Nice.
YouTube have the Al-Qaeda South Park video up, although I don't know how long it will be up there for. YouTube seem to get all fidgety when excerpts of copyrighted material are shown.
[Link] <<-- AP story [Matt Stone is wearing an All Blacks rugby shirt, w00t!].
[Link] <<-- Wikipedia entry for Cartoon Wars, Part I.
[Link] <<-- Wikipedia entry for Cartoon Wars, Part II.
South Park, Entertainment, TV
Oh, So It's *Streaming* Video That ABC is Providing.
Stink. And here I thought that the strangely altruistic ABC were going to provide iTunes-like downloadable videos of Lost and other programs that you could watch at your leisure, or upload them to one's video iPod, etc.
Nope, unless you have a bitchin' connection you'll probably be saddled with those funky messages that go buffering ... buffering ... 45% ... connection error at host ... buffering ... buffering ... you get the idea.
[Link] <<-- MSNBC has the skinny, via TV Squad.
Nope, unless you have a bitchin' connection you'll probably be saddled with those funky messages that go buffering ... buffering ... 45% ... connection error at host ... buffering ... buffering ... you get the idea.
[Link] <<-- MSNBC has the skinny, via TV Squad.
Thursday, 13 April 2006
Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home of Doom
I thought George Lucas was going to make "small independent movies that fail" now that the Star Wars films are finished? A 100-episode Star Wars TV series and a fourth Indiana Jones film certainly doesn't seem to fall into the small and independent categories; and it's unlikely they will fail either, if it's revenue that is meant by failure. Creative and artistic failure, well -- that's entirely subjective.
I'm not sure why there needs to be another Indiana Jones film. There are two excellent films in the trilogy, and the TV series was pretty cool as well. And really, the final frame of The Last Crusade where the characters rode off into the sunset was the perfect send off. Until, that is, the creators decided it might be cool to wheel out the character for another adventure.
Still, if the persons who created it enjoy working together and want to make another, then one cannot argue with that.
But for fuck sake, if one is blessed with a certain talent then surely it would be a waste of that talent not to create new and cool stuff rather than re-hash the same old shit, right?
Movies, Film, Entertainment
I'm not sure why there needs to be another Indiana Jones film. There are two excellent films in the trilogy, and the TV series was pretty cool as well. And really, the final frame of The Last Crusade where the characters rode off into the sunset was the perfect send off. Until, that is, the creators decided it might be cool to wheel out the character for another adventure.
Still, if the persons who created it enjoy working together and want to make another, then one cannot argue with that.
But for fuck sake, if one is blessed with a certain talent then surely it would be a waste of that talent not to create new and cool stuff rather than re-hash the same old shit, right?
Movies, Film, Entertainment
One Month of Work
Really?
Yeah.
Wow, I guess that's long enough to have collected a shed load of the customary boring work stories, then?
Yep.
Wanna share some?
Nah.
I did meet some crazy Jewish man who cursed my children -- and my children's children -- for not having a particular book he wanted, though. Cool.
Yeah.
Wow, I guess that's long enough to have collected a shed load of the customary boring work stories, then?
Yep.
Wanna share some?
Nah.
I did meet some crazy Jewish man who cursed my children -- and my children's children -- for not having a particular book he wanted, though. Cool.
No Hot Cross Buns For Me This Easter ...
... unless I can find some in a actual bakery around here ... somewhere.
Yeah, I suppose I could bake myself a couple dozen, but my baking skills really do suck balls. Besides, there's nothing quite like skipping off down to the local bakery and buying up a bunch of those yearly buns. Last year they even came out with a chocolate variety, which admittedly was quite tasty but nothing beats the original recipe, lightly toasted with soft butter melting into the bun.
Speaking of hot cross buns, I seem to recall a few years ago some town in the UK banning the sale of them because they were considered to be offensive to non-Christians. I really hope the originator of that stupid line of thought was punched in the throat and isolated from society for being a right cock. Honestly, it's so inane it doesn't deserve comment.
So if you're in a country that is serving hot cross buns for Easter this year, have a couple for me.
Easter
Yeah, I suppose I could bake myself a couple dozen, but my baking skills really do suck balls. Besides, there's nothing quite like skipping off down to the local bakery and buying up a bunch of those yearly buns. Last year they even came out with a chocolate variety, which admittedly was quite tasty but nothing beats the original recipe, lightly toasted with soft butter melting into the bun.
Speaking of hot cross buns, I seem to recall a few years ago some town in the UK banning the sale of them because they were considered to be offensive to non-Christians. I really hope the originator of that stupid line of thought was punched in the throat and isolated from society for being a right cock. Honestly, it's so inane it doesn't deserve comment.
So if you're in a country that is serving hot cross buns for Easter this year, have a couple for me.
Easter
Ricky Gervais Interview in GQ
As the title says, there's an interview with Ricky Gervais in the latest GQ. Luckily his website has reproduced the interview for us GQ-less persons.
[Link] <<-- A link to the interview. Clicky-clicky!
[Link] <<-- A link to the interview. Clicky-clicky!
Waiter, There's a Mutated Maggot in my Mineral Water
Well, in the water supply of some Cape Town homes that is.
Pretty gross, but at least the rat-tailed blighters are big enough to spot with the naked eye before you chug back on that glass of water ...
[Link] <<-- Maggots!
Pretty gross, but at least the rat-tailed blighters are big enough to spot with the naked eye before you chug back on that glass of water ...
[Link] <<-- Maggots!
Tuesday, 11 April 2006
WTF?!
161.9 cents per litre for petrol in NZ?!
You've got to be kidding me. That's about $6.50 NZ [$3.90 US] a gallon -- or as I like to call it, fuck!
Won't be long before there are rampant hoards of petrol thieves armed with rubber hoses and tic tacs descending upon unattended cars. Still, I suppose actual car theft figures will go down as a result. See, every cloud has a silver lining ...
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald report.
You've got to be kidding me. That's about $6.50 NZ [$3.90 US] a gallon -- or as I like to call it, fuck!
Won't be long before there are rampant hoards of petrol thieves armed with rubber hoses and tic tacs descending upon unattended cars. Still, I suppose actual car theft figures will go down as a result. See, every cloud has a silver lining ...
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald report.
Monday, 10 April 2006
Here Comes the Metric System!
"Remember this time people, 80 past 2 on April 47th, it's the dawn of a new enlightenment."
[Link] <<-- National Institute of Standards and Technology page on the metric system in the US.
Fightin' Around the World: Hamilton
Good to see Hamilton had some positive news to share with the rest of the country last weekend. Well, apart from the massive street brawl ...
Since there were so-few police available to respond to the drunken mêlée, I wonder if the mayor has dusted off the blueprints for RoboCop and ED-209?
[Link] <<-- Go, Hamilton!
Since there were so-few police available to respond to the drunken mêlée, I wonder if the mayor has dusted off the blueprints for RoboCop and ED-209?
[Link] <<-- Go, Hamilton!
Sunday, 9 April 2006
27.4g of Fat? No Wonder it Tasted So Good!
It was simple, really. The classic Sunday staple of New Zealanders since time began has been the humble roast dinner.
That this particular meal is now turning into one of the most popular fast food options in the country was inevitable ... inevitable, and tasty. Oh, and not to mention naughty for your health, according to some killjoy in a NZ Herald article.
As you can see from the above graphic that I borrowed from the Herald, a roast from a typical take out joint contains 27 grams of fat. I guess that's pretty high, but not if you compare it to a plate of fish & chips that weighs in at 68 grams of fat! Holy crap!
Take out roasts are the shit, dawg. There's a brilliant place on Dominion Road in Auckland called Marco Polo Roasts. Dunno why they named it after the Venetian trader, or a swimming pool game, but there you go. Anyway, when I was in Auckland before heading Stateside it was a semi-regular eatery for my pal Kelv and I. My favourite was the roast pork meal, with the crackling done just to perfection and seasoned with a hint of pepper. Really, it was quite breathtaking you ought to try it.
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story.
That this particular meal is now turning into one of the most popular fast food options in the country was inevitable ... inevitable, and tasty. Oh, and not to mention naughty for your health, according to some killjoy in a NZ Herald article.
As you can see from the above graphic that I borrowed from the Herald, a roast from a typical take out joint contains 27 grams of fat. I guess that's pretty high, but not if you compare it to a plate of fish & chips that weighs in at 68 grams of fat! Holy crap!
Take out roasts are the shit, dawg. There's a brilliant place on Dominion Road in Auckland called Marco Polo Roasts. Dunno why they named it after the Venetian trader, or a swimming pool game, but there you go. Anyway, when I was in Auckland before heading Stateside it was a semi-regular eatery for my pal Kelv and I. My favourite was the roast pork meal, with the crackling done just to perfection and seasoned with a hint of pepper. Really, it was quite breathtaking you ought to try it.
[Link] <<-- NZ Herald story.
The Nuclear Option
There's a fascinating [and frightening] story in the New Yorker by Seymour Hersh. The story discusses Iran and its pursuit of uranium enrichment for what the Iranian government calls a civilian power program; but what others -- including the International Atomic Energy Agency -- call a pursuit of a nuclear weapons program.
What makes the story particularly fascinating is the claim that the current US administration has not ruled out the nuclear option in a possible attack to stop the Iranian program.
It could be that the talk of the nuclear option is nothing more than very hot air being sent Iran's way. Certainly, there is nothing higher in your deck of threat cards than Mr. Atom Bomb, and slapping it down on the table would cause most players to fold.
Okay, enough with the poker analogy, but I sincerely hope that the talk of a nuclear strike is nothing more than hot air, because the fall out [no pun intended] from the use of even a small yield nuke would be extreme: morally, politically, and other big words.
And yet, if the current Iranian administration really is gunning for a bomb or two, what would be the consequences of not trying to stop its program?
With kind fortune a diplomatic solution from somewhere will present itself -- one that brings about a peaceful resolution without a need for fisticuffs.
However, the way the shit's been hitting the fan lately that particular option would be wishful thinking at best. Guess it's time to dust off the old Protect and Survive booklets ...
Hersh is a veteran investigative journalist and won the Pulitzer Prize in 1970 for uncovering the My Lai massacre during the Vietnam War.
[Link] <<-- Read the story in the New Yorker.
seymour hersh, New Yorker, Iran
Star Wars Kid Settles Out of Court
Remember the online video of that kid pretending to fight with a lightsabre? Y'know, I think I blogged about one of the 20 billion edits that are on the internet some time back.
FYI, the Star Wars Kid is basically the Star Wars analogue of the Numa Numa kid, another unwilling web "star".
The unauthorized uploading of the video by some school chums turned the kid into a web sensation after it appeared in 2003; but the attention he received from his peers was not kind and he ended up leaving his school as a result of bullying.
As a result of his life being turned into crap, a suit was filed against the fathers of the students responsible for uploading the video. However, the case was recently settled out of court.
[Link] <<-- Read all about it in the Montreal Gazette.
FYI, the Star Wars Kid is basically the Star Wars analogue of the Numa Numa kid, another unwilling web "star".
The unauthorized uploading of the video by some school chums turned the kid into a web sensation after it appeared in 2003; but the attention he received from his peers was not kind and he ended up leaving his school as a result of bullying.
As a result of his life being turned into crap, a suit was filed against the fathers of the students responsible for uploading the video. However, the case was recently settled out of court.
[Link] <<-- Read all about it in the Montreal Gazette.
Saturday, 8 April 2006
Happy Anniversary to the Author
Today is the first anniversary of my second coming to America.
Yep, as unbelievable as that seems it was one year ago that I headed Stateside crammed into a butt-numbing seat in row forty-fuckin'-six on an Air Tashiti flight outta Auckland via Papeete.
What a lovely flight that was, with yours truly surrounded by a bunch of rather rude French people; one of whom insisted on reclining his seat so far back that his head was in my crotch. When I, not unreasonably I must add, suggested that he might like raise it up a few centimeters, the look I received by way of a reply would have stripped the varnish from a coffee table.
But, hey -- that's part of the fun of air travel, right? Mingling with strangers while locked inside a pressurized cabin 25,000 feet up in the air, breathing some of that delicious recycled oxygen, and braving the lavatories after a, er, "meal."
Next stop for your intrepid author is the green card interview at the end of April.
Yep, as unbelievable as that seems it was one year ago that I headed Stateside crammed into a butt-numbing seat in row forty-fuckin'-six on an Air Tashiti flight outta Auckland via Papeete.
What a lovely flight that was, with yours truly surrounded by a bunch of rather rude French people; one of whom insisted on reclining his seat so far back that his head was in my crotch. When I, not unreasonably I must add, suggested that he might like raise it up a few centimeters, the look I received by way of a reply would have stripped the varnish from a coffee table.
But, hey -- that's part of the fun of air travel, right? Mingling with strangers while locked inside a pressurized cabin 25,000 feet up in the air, breathing some of that delicious recycled oxygen, and braving the lavatories after a, er, "meal."
Next stop for your intrepid author is the green card interview at the end of April.
Tuesday, 4 April 2006
What Would You Do With $40 Million Dollars?
Well, if you're Gareth Morgan you would donate the money to charity.
Morgan received the money after Trade Me was sold for several hundred million dollars recently. As his 6.7 percent stake equated to a payout of $40 mil, Morgan and his wife decided that this amount was too much to handle and they are now going to set up a foundation to administer the bling.
Pretty cool, but I hope he doesn't get saddled with phone calls from a couple of long-lost third cousins twice removed [persons not seen since Bobbi-Sue's wedding 20 years ago] who just happen to be looking for an "investment partner" to finance some dodgy invention.
[Link] <<-- Sydney Morning Herald story.
Morgan received the money after Trade Me was sold for several hundred million dollars recently. As his 6.7 percent stake equated to a payout of $40 mil, Morgan and his wife decided that this amount was too much to handle and they are now going to set up a foundation to administer the bling.
Pretty cool, but I hope he doesn't get saddled with phone calls from a couple of long-lost third cousins twice removed [persons not seen since Bobbi-Sue's wedding 20 years ago] who just happen to be looking for an "investment partner" to finance some dodgy invention.
[Link] <<-- Sydney Morning Herald story.
Putting a Human Face on Telecom
There's a delightful little Q&A between the Herald and some Telecom stooge that appeared a couple of days back.
I love the first half dozen questions where the reporter pumps out the dreaded "monopoly" question. Admirable defense by the stooge, though -- he was able to deftly avoid the tricky questions before passing go and collecting $200. Well done!
Mind you, if one actually did work for a monopoly, would one ever come out and blatantly say so? I've taken the first question and imagined a different response:
Q -- Most people see you [Telecom] as a monopoly.
A -- We are a monopoly, dude. We fucking rule! D'you remember Clear? Those fuckers had to merge with a bloody Australian company just to survive. An Australian company! Newsflash: competition is bad when ya wanna make some serious bling, dawg. I mean, it doesn't help our shareholders if there are other telecommunication companies competing for cold hard cash, does it? Did you like the alliteration there? Where was I? Oh, yeah -- some of us [the soft pricks] might admit at gunpoint that yeah, competition is probably good for society. However, do you really want more than one major telecommunication company offering competitive prices on broadband? C'mon retards get with the frickin' program here and read my lips: competition is just plain fuckin' bad for our profits and we will weed out the dissenters and competition with a bitchin' scorched earth policy. Ka-blah!
So yes, as you can see the above answer is pure fantasy, and the odds of anyone working for a big M and admitting so are very long indeed.
After all, when Rich Uncle Pennybags invented the Monopoly board game in the 1930s he never actually called his invention Monopoly. Nope, old Pennybags had always wanted the game to be called, The Exclusive Control Over Specified Commercial and Residential Properties Game. When one of the Parker brothers suggested to Pennybags that it might be simpler from a marketing perspective to call the game Monopoly, RUP reputably replied: "Call it that if you must, although I never shall."¹
Think about it.
¹ I totally made that up.
I love the first half dozen questions where the reporter pumps out the dreaded "monopoly" question. Admirable defense by the stooge, though -- he was able to deftly avoid the tricky questions before passing go and collecting $200. Well done!
Mind you, if one actually did work for a monopoly, would one ever come out and blatantly say so? I've taken the first question and imagined a different response:
Q -- Most people see you [Telecom] as a monopoly.
A -- We are a monopoly, dude. We fucking rule! D'you remember Clear? Those fuckers had to merge with a bloody Australian company just to survive. An Australian company! Newsflash: competition is bad when ya wanna make some serious bling, dawg. I mean, it doesn't help our shareholders if there are other telecommunication companies competing for cold hard cash, does it? Did you like the alliteration there? Where was I? Oh, yeah -- some of us [the soft pricks] might admit at gunpoint that yeah, competition is probably good for society. However, do you really want more than one major telecommunication company offering competitive prices on broadband? C'mon retards get with the frickin' program here and read my lips: competition is just plain fuckin' bad for our profits and we will weed out the dissenters and competition with a bitchin' scorched earth policy. Ka-blah!
So yes, as you can see the above answer is pure fantasy, and the odds of anyone working for a big M and admitting so are very long indeed.
After all, when Rich Uncle Pennybags invented the Monopoly board game in the 1930s he never actually called his invention Monopoly. Nope, old Pennybags had always wanted the game to be called, The Exclusive Control Over Specified Commercial and Residential Properties Game. When one of the Parker brothers suggested to Pennybags that it might be simpler from a marketing perspective to call the game Monopoly, RUP reputably replied: "Call it that if you must, although I never shall."¹
Think about it.
¹ I totally made that up.
April Fool's Day Funnies
Very funny, and I dare say there were more than a few worried souls at breakfast that morning.
But in all seriousness, could you imagine the demonic entity that would be wad of collected jizz thick enough to block a shower drain? It would be like a mutant trichobezoar of the plumbing world.
I suppose it does happen, especially when the jizz salad is mixed together with some hair, a couple of thousand skin cells, some dirt slurry here and there, and maybe even a corn plaster or two. I imagine some back-breaking work with the old plunger would be required to successfully extricate it ...
[Link] <<-- courtesy of Warren Ellis.
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